Switzerland Orders a Cake
by The Nordic Losers
Summary: Switzerland decides that Liechtenstein needs a cake for her birthday. Little does he know how expensive a cake will be...and "how fun" ordering a cake via telephone will be.


*****I do not own Hetalia or anything else that is in this story. I don't own Dairy Queen too, so you damn fools at Dairy Queen better not sue me for this. I just admitted I don't own your stupid company. So yeah you potato bastards go suck on that.*****

BASCH ORDERS A CAKE

Switzerland was sitting at his desk and contemplating what to get Lily for her birthday. He had already ordered her some dresses and knew that Belarus, Ukraine, and Hungary (and the fabulousness of Poland) were going to take her shopping as well to a store of her choice, which Switzerland knew would either be some sort of dessert store or a pet store. He just hoped that she wouldn't bring home a pet, since pets cost money. And spending money sucked.

He knew what he needed: a cake. But he didn't want to go to the store because A) going to the store cost gas money, B) he'd have to be around _people_, C) he'd have to buy stuff and that'd cost money, D) he'd have to drive home and that would cost more money, E) he'd have to cook it and waste electric money, and F) he'd have to wash the dishes and that would cost more money. So about 10$. But 10$ saved would be 10$ well saved.

So Switzerland finally decided to call the cheapest cake place he knew: Dairy Queen. True, there weren't any in Switzerland but since Switzerland was having Alfred over anyways he just decided to have him pick it up and bring it over. And besides, when Switzerland had to go to America to talk things over Lily always liked visiting those damn places anyways. So what could it hurt?

Switzerland dialed the phone and waited as he counted the rings. One...two...and then somebody picked up.

"Hello this is Kitty speaking for Dairy Queen Pittsburg how may I help you?" a young woman answered the phone and Lily walked in the room.

"Did she say kitty? Like a kitty cat? Meow!" Lily said, trying to grab the phone from Switzerland. He put the woman on hold for just a minute to tell Lily to go outside as he ordered something very special for her. She agreed and skipped happily outside, bidding farewell to Switzerland as she did so.

"Sorry...um...the phone was on speakerphone and my little sister walked in, sorry." Switzerland blushed slightly. He didn't like apologizing. It was weak.

"Oh no problem," Kitty said, clearly ready to take Switzerland's order, "And what can I get for you today?"

"Um...do you guys have like pre-order cakes or whatever?" Switzerland said, prepared to write something down if he needed to. "It's my sisters birthday in three days, and I have to order a cake for her."

"Yeah we do. We have the 8x8 round cake, or the-" Switzerland cut Kitty off and just ordered the 8x8 cake.

"Ok, I'll take the 8x8 cake thingy. How much is it?" Switzerland said, pulling out his dumb credit card that he hated to use.

"Uh, that'll be $23.99. Do you want any special message put on it?" Kitty said, trying to be perky and nice after charging so much. Seriously, a damn cake was nearly 24$. That was more than Kitty received for two day's pay, and half of that went to bills and gas already. The other half went towards food and college. Not a cake. Kitty wondered what this man did for a living, although she really didn't feel like asking in case that man thought she was flirting or something.

"Oh, how fun." Switzerland said, thinking of how to come up with the money for the cake, as 24$ was a little more than he expected. He thought it might be 16$, 17$, but definitely not 24$. "Um, could you just put "happy birthday Lily" on it. Thanks."

"Yeah, sure thing," Kitty said hesitantly, writing it down on her notepad. "With one 'l' or two?"

"One." Switzerland mumbled, writing this new purchase down in his tax books. How would he ever be able to explain this cost to himself, if ever? (P.S. If you think this is a lot for Switzerland, you should see him and the grocery bills).

"Alright," Kitty said, writing it down and erasing the second 'L' she had already printed on the ticket, "And a name for this order?"

"Basch." Switzerland said, trying not to use his country's name since that would be a little awkward. What country orders a cake from Dairy Queen?

"That's V-A-S-H?" Kitty said, trying to get the foreign-sounding name right and not sounding stupid. She didn't want to be your typical stupid American, not that she stereotyped her country as full of stupid people. She just didn't want this foreign stranger, who she had no idea of his outlook on America, to either subtract or add to his stereotypes of the American people.

"No. B-A-S-C-H." Switzerland said, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.

"Ok. And a phone number for that?" Kitty asked before realizing that the phone number had already appeared on the monitor. Except it looked...foreign.

"Didn't one appear on the thingy already?" Switzerland was starting to get impatient, "Just copy the one down from there. I'll just have my, uh, friend accept the charges or whatever."

"Ok. Um...and who will be picking this cake up? You or your friend?" Kitty asked, writing all this down on the ticket.

"My friend. His name is Alfred," Switzerland said, more than ready to hang up by now but not wanting the cake to be canceled.

"Ok, so you want a 8x8 cake plain with the message "happy birthday Lily" written on it, is that correct?" Kitty said, hoping that the man might sound a little happier. He was ordering a birthday cake, not a casket.

"Yeah. Okay, I gotta go now, but thanks for your time." Switzerland said, angry about how much money the stupid cake had cost but happy that he had gotten Lily something that she wanted.

"No problem. Oh but one more thing, when will you be here to pick it up?" Kitty asked, feeling stupid for forgetting this critical part of her job. This was supposed to be one of the first questions, yes?

"Um...in like two days. Maybe even tomorrow. Just in the next two days." Switzerland said, hoping that the cake order was finally complete and he could just hang up the stupid phone. It was costing him money, and he wasn't sure that Austria would see that these costs went unseen. Sure, a 3$ takeout on Austria's credits wouldn't cost much, but for nearly 1.43$ a minute Switzerland didn't want to be chastised for stealing out of Austria's bank account or talking on the phone too long. He didn't normally take out stuff on that ungrateful bastard's bank account, although for little things that helped Switzerland save money it was almost always his classical resort.

"Alright, Basch, I guess we'll have your cake ready in one or two days. Thanks!" Kitty said, glad to finally get off the phone with Switzerland. He was...kinda scary to talk to.

"How fuckin' fun." Switzerland said, hanging up the phone in the receiver and not realizing that Liechtenstein had come back in from outside. "Oh, hello Liechtenstein."

"Hello big bruder," Liechtenstein said, sitting down in the seat opposite Switzerland. "Who are you mad at? Is it Mr. Austria again?"

"No...just ordering something. And spending...some money." Switzerland hated acting cheap around Liechtenstein, but sometimes it was almost necessary. He somewhat hoped that when she grew up that she would be saving-savvy like him, but then again he wanted her to be a little more open to spending cash.

"Why were you cussing?" Liechtenstein said, her eyes brimming up with tears, "Did I do something wrong big bruder?"

"No. It wasn't you Lily. It was just...a little more than I thought it would be. That's all." Switzerland said, hugging Liechtenstein close to let her know it wasn't her fault. "Your birthday is going to be just fine, alright? I don't mind spending money on that."

"Alright, whatever you say big bruder," Liechtenstein went to her room to try to draw some pictures of bunnies, since she hoped to get one of her own for her birthday, although she wasn't sure that Basch would let her. She hoped with all her heart that he would, but she was pretty sure he would say 'yes' but inside be starting a riot. She didn't want to upset her older brother, although she knew that he was happy on the outside sometimes he wasn't always happy on the inside. It was kind of hard to be happy when you were surrounded by constantly warring countries. Switzerland just decided to "stay out of the shit and stay neutral like every other place should...Switzerland OUT".

And of course, a nearly identical letter would come from Liechtenstein if needed. Or just a copy of Switzerland's with Liechtenstein's name put at the end.

Lily couldn't wait for her birthday. She would get to go shopping with her 'sisters', and Poland of course, and it would be wonderful because there would be cake and presents and other stuff. Lily was anticipating the cake, and wondered if Switzerland had ordered her a kitten as well. Why else would he be talking about a 'kitty'? Lily just smiled and began drawing the picture of cute little kittens and bunnies surrounding her. They weren't nearly as good as Switzerland's, but they were good enough.


End file.
